How to Turn Your Relationship Break Up into a Relationship Make Up

Author: Paul McNiff	Return to list
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009   | Comments (0)

If you recently been dumped or experienced a break up and you find yourself wanting your ex back, then perhaps you think you’ve already tried everything you can to get them back… But don’t give up quite yet! There are other things that you can do that can help. Below, I’ll talk about some excellent steps you can take to reinforce the process and start winning your ex back!

In a previous article that I wrote I mentioned how actively engaging positive thinking can really help you to begin the process of winning back your ex. It does this by creating a sense of “hope for the future in your mind, rather than reinforcing the pain and hurting feelings that you’re probably experiencing right now.

Whether we know it or not, we use our minds all the time, and what we mentally focus on with passion and energy actually grows. So we might as well put our thoughts into deliberately expanding what we “want” rather than focusing on what we “fear”!

But, I also said that just sitting around and imagining how to get your ex back into your life won’t just make it happen. You need to use your visualizing to motivate you to take the necessary actions that are likely to win your ex back into your life!

The following are some great positive action steps that you can take… Most people tend to do the wrong things when trying to get their ex back! This is because often, what feels like the “right” thing for us to do to get our ex back, turns out to be the very thing that pushes them even further away!

Here are some vital steps you can take:

1. Put some space and distance between yourself and your ex

Often people want to constantly communicate with their ex lover, either by text, or email or sometimes by showing up where they work or hang out. If your goal is to get your ex back, then you need to know that this can be the worst thing you can do! In fact, rather than creating a new connection between you, it will potentially create a restraining order instead. So make sure you don’t do this, even though you will probably want to contact them and let them know you still want them back.

Yes, I know it sounds odd to put some distance between you and your ex if you want them back, but think about it: No one wants to be with a “needy” or “desperate” person, and I’m pretty sure your ex won’t either! By giving yourself some room and not appearing desperate, you actually take your own power back and reclaim your sense of self-respect and your confidence! Show your ex that you’re someone who has this self-respect. Someone that they will actually “want” to be with! Focus on being kind to yourself and giving yourself this time (regardless of your pain and hurt). Besides, you want your ex to “want” to be back with you without you having to pretend to be something else to suit them!

Who you are is absolutely okay and worthy of being loved! Often, one of the challenges is that at the beginning of a relationship (and again, especially after a relationship break down happens) most of us actually try to be “what we think our ex wants us to be”, which, of course we never get right anyway! It’s never actually what they’re looking for and, even worse, we end up coming across as fake! So practice being yourself, because you’re worth it! And, if your ex doesn’t want you back when you’re being yourself, then maybe it’s better that you move on! Because trying to be someone else for your entire life is well on impossible anyway! You might be able to do it for a little while, but not for long!

2. Take time out and connect with other friends

Take time out to reconnect with other friends, but make sure you avoid talking too much about your sadness and hurt. I understand that you’re in pain, and that you need some of your friends to be there for you and be willing to listen to you and this is important! But you also want to make sure you give yourself the time to actually re-engage with life and get some distance from your painful feelings. And this means hanging out with others and finding ways to make yourself laugh and enjoy life a little (despite your sadness).

3. Add a new project or something new to your life

Give yourself the gift of doing something new in your life. This might be a new project or a hobby that you’ve always thought might be fun but just not managed to do yet. Or it might simply be a new haircut or a new look. Don’t make major decisions, such as changing careers because decisions like this are best made when you’re not dealing with pain from a break up. But consciously and deliberately add something to your life that makes you feel good about yourself. Think of it like giving yourself a gift!

Each of these points will create some space and distance for you. They may all feel a little weird because the things we often feel are natural to do are more likely to reinforce your experience of sadness and hurt, rather than moving on. Besides, most of us think that holding onto the pain means we are more likely to stay in love with our ex. And, if we want to be back with our ex it feels strange to give them any space and distance! But I assure you that doing this is far more valuable in the process of reconnecting than you understand right now.

There will definitely be a time to begin to communicate with your ex lover down the track… But be careful… the process of connecting with your ex must be handled in the right way if you want to have a chance of getting them back!

For the time being, use the above positive steps and this will begin the process of beginning a new relationship between yourself and your ex.

These steps are part of The Magic of Making Up, a proven and powerful strategy that has been used by countless people to get their ex lovers back and keep them. As a relationship therapist I’m thrilled to have found The Magic of Making Up, because it’s an excellent resource that I can recommend to both my private practice clients and others who are struggling to get their ex back into their lives. It provides readers with a step-by-step process that’s easy to follow, and shows you exactly what you need to do to win your ex back.

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